When waking at 3am becomes another thing to worry about
There’s something particularly frustrating about waking in the early hours when you’re already exhausted.
You might have gone to bed feeling desperate for a good night’s sleep, only to find yourself wide awake at three or four in the morning.
Perhaps you’re uncomfortable or dealing with symptoms. Perhaps your mind starts racing. Or perhaps you’re simply lying there, wondering why you’re awake and how you’ll manage the following day.
And the longer you’re awake, the more important getting back to sleep can start to feel.
When waking at 3am becomes another thing to worry about
There’s something particularly frustrating about waking in the early hours when you’re already exhausted.
You might have gone to bed feeling desperate for a good night’s sleep, only to find yourself wide awake at three or four in the morning.
Perhaps you’re uncomfortable or dealing with symptoms. Perhaps your mind starts racing. Or perhaps you’re simply lying there, wondering why you’re awake and how you’ll manage the following day.
And the longer you’re awake, the more important getting back to sleep can start to feel.
It's natural to want to know why
If early waking becomes a regular occurrence, of course you want to understand what’s causing it.
You might find yourself reading about cortisol, blood sugar, hormones, histamine, sleep cycles or the effects of stress.
There are plenty of possible explanations for disturbed sleep. Pain, medication, hormonal changes, sleep disorders and underlying health conditions can all play a part.
Some possibilities may be relevant to you. Others may not.
The trouble is that researching sleep can easily become another complicated project, particularly when you’re already managing chronic illness.
You start looking for patterns, questioning your evening routine or wondering whether something you’ve eaten or taken might be responsible.
And before long, sleep has joined the list of things you’re constantly trying to work out.
When being awake becomes another job
One of the things I’ve noticed about living with complex illness is how easily a symptom can bring a whole new set of decisions.
Waking in the night is a good example.
Should you stay in bed or get up? Check the time or avoid looking? Was it something you ate? Could a supplement be involved? Do you need to change your bedtime routine?
Those questions are understandable, especially when poor sleep makes an already difficult day even harder.
But trying to answer all of them at three in the morning can leave you feeling even more frustrated.
You’re no longer just awake. You’re trying to manage being awake.
And that’s an extra demand at a time when you have very little energy to spare.
You don't have to work it all out in the middle of the night
If you find yourself awake and your thoughts are beginning to race, it may help to remind yourself that you don’t have to investigate every possible explanation there and then.
You could try turning your attention towards something simple and comfortable, such as the feeling of the duvet or the support of the mattress beneath you.
Or you might prefer to get up for a little while and do something quiet until you feel ready to return to bed.
Neither approach is guaranteed to get you back to sleep, and there’s no single response that suits everybody.
The idea is simply to avoid turning those wakeful minutes into another urgent problem-solving session.
If there’s something you genuinely want to look into, you can make a note and come back to it when you’re better placed to think it through.
And if pain, breathing difficulties or other symptoms are keeping you awake, those deserve appropriate attention rather than being dismissed as worry.
Sleep is part of a bigger picture
When you’re living with chronic illness, sleep doesn’t happen in isolation.
You may already be dealing with symptoms, appointments, treatments, changing routines and uncertainty about what might help.
A difficult night can make all of those things harder.
And worrying about how much sleep you’re getting can add another layer of pressure.
It’s worth remembering that not every broken night needs a new supplement, another tracker or a complete rethink of your routine.
Sometimes there is a medical issue that needs investigating or treating. Sometimes a practical adjustment may help. And sometimes the occasional disturbed night is simply part of being human.
If your sleep is regularly disrupted, worsening or affecting your ability to function, it’s worth discussing it with your GP or healthcare professional.
Making a little less work for yourself
Something I’ve become increasingly interested in is the amount of work that grows up around managing chronic illness.
It’s not just the appointments and treatments. It’s the constant noticing, monitoring, researching and deciding.
Even sleep, something we desperately want to come naturally, can become another thing we feel responsible for getting right.
Perhaps one useful question isn’t only, “Why am I waking at 3am?”.
It might also be, “Am I making these wakeful moments harder for myself by feeling I have to solve them straight away?”
That won’t answer the medical question or remove the frustration of poor sleep.
But it may help take a little pressure off.
And when you’re already carrying a great deal, having one less thing to work out in the middle of the night can be worthwhile.
A note from Jo
Living alongside complex chronic illness taught me how easily everyday life can become filled with things to research, organise and worry about.
Sleep is just one example.
These days, I help people talk through what’s going on, make sense of competing demands and explore ways to make life a little more manageable, without losing sight of the things that matter to them.
If that sounds familiar, you can find out more about my one-to-one sessions.